The Midnight News 6.12.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 06.12.01

TAFKAGMS, Booker T, Who Be the Stalker, Bischoff's Kids, the End of a Feud, and Nash hates typing. 

Yo hey. I'm Chris, I'm tired, and I am in no mood for YOU!!!!

Which is fair, seeing how often times you are in no mood for ME!

Had an interesting talk with Chris Zimmerman earlier yesterday, where he quickly accepted a role as 411'S NEW RECAPPER!!!! LET THE INTERNET SHAKE WITH THIS THUNDEROUS ANNOUNCEMENT!

Then, I fired him and hired Scott Keith instead. Canadians work cheaper.... and 411 was looking for someone with a bad 70's hairstyle as opposed to a bad 60's hippie hairstyle.

None of this is true, by the way, I just wanted to try to get people RUNNING to various boards and sites before finishing the whole text. Losers.... get a life.

And don't pester me or Widro about bringing the guy in.... he wouldn't do it even if we did ask.

In other news, I see Eric S(something polish) jumped from the Shooters to the Smarks. Maybe now this rather gifted writer will actually get noticed. Never heard of him? You aren't alone. I wonder if he'll keep calling Bob Ryder "Chester The Molester" now that he's on a site that actually draws something other than confused gun lovers?

Okay, let's proceed....

IT'S COOL, MY DAD CAN GET ME BACK IN... AW NUTS

Brian Christopher Robin Lawlerman showed up on a radio show recently to get into detail about what happened, why it happened, who he blames, and in what town can you get the best blow. My much maligned non-friends over at 1Bob had the details:

-Brian Lawler admitted to making a "big mistake". (Yeah, he should never have agreed to the "Rhymin' Brian" character.... dumbass)

-When the WWF crew hit Calgary, after a jaunt in Salt Lake City, the Canadian Customs turned up the frisking factor huge, because Canada hates the WWF. (well Hell, after doing time in Salt Lake City, who wouldn't need to get a little high.... very repressed over there)

-The Canadians were hoping to snag anything illegal off the wrestlers, but came up empty. At the time, BL was in New York with Steve Blackman (a Blackman in NYC? Ye Gods.... the Jews must have FREAKED!!) and they didn't get into the country until the next day.

-BL says the drugs were not his, they belonged to a friend. (Yeah, and OJ didn't kill Nicole and Ron)

-BL said the drug sniffing hounds caught a snoutful and found the stash. He hoped Canada would let him off with a warning, but they didn't. (Uptight jerkweeds.)

-Customs released him to work the Raw show and then go to Edmonton the next night for Smackdown, so long as he promised to show up for Court before he left Calgary

-He arrived at Raw and Jim Ross asked him point blank if the drugs were his. BL said they were because they were in his bag, thus his property. He was fired shortly after.

-He reiterated that up until then, the WWF had treated him wonderfully, going out of there way to make sure he knew that there would be no hassle to him due to his Father's recent behavior.

-BL said that a lot of wrestlers caught with drugs were given a second chance. He would like his. He made a public plea on the show to the WWF that he would not fail them again! Except when it comes to getting the crowd into his matches, of course 

-He made it clear that there is NO "Lawler Curse" and this was NOT a conspiracy by the WWF. But just in case, he said that he'll never be caught in downtown Dallas in a convertible.

-BL's goal is to get on the Indy circuit and wrestle, wrestle, WRESTLE!! Because the Indy Circuit = cheap smack and plenty of it.

BOOKER T(HIS)

In order to work out the ring rust and freshen up his bad catch phrases, Booker T plans on working an Indy date or two so he can be ready for the new WCW.

First up, he's going to do a match for Les Thatcher's "Heartland Wrestling Association" in Indiana in July. He gets the ultimate white boy, Bobby Eaton in the main event. MTV will be on hand to tape Rory Fox and Tony Atlas for a follow up to their "So You Wanna Be A Pro Rassler" special a few years ago. It will be truly sad if Rory is still throwing Newspapers out to the crowd after all this time.

I wonder if Atlas is still doing shoot fights with girls?

The Observer is responsible. Blame them!

BISCHOFF LIKES YOUNG BOYS!!!

The Stampede Wrestling Press release announced that four top "teenage grapplers" from Eric Bischoff/Jason Hervey's Mat Rats group will be a part of the Stampede Wrestling's Summer Tour. Bischoff was quoted as saying, "This is the most exciting project I've ever been involved with, I hear Canada has some great strip clubs!"

Mat Rats.... anything created by "Wayne" from The Wonder Years is a disaster waiting to happen. 

MAYBE IT'S TOM GREEN?

Scherer says that the WWF has not yet decided who should be the stalker of Sarah Undertaker. Whoever it is, he better do one HELL of a good Vince McMahon impression!

Is Tim McVeigh available?

How about "Downtown Dave"? He looks like "Newman" from Seinfeld, he'd be a perfect loser for the role.

BUT, PLUGS

Raw was on last night, and PK has the
Full Recap posted.

Meanwhile, Craig Letawsky has produced another edition of
Ask411 where you ask HIM wrestling questions, he runs to me for help.... I answer them all... and he posts them and takes full credit. 

Finally, 411 is running a trivia contest where YOU... that's right, YOU.... can win a WWF Action Figure, (known in some circles as "a doll"). In order to play, go
here

There is a 50-50 chance that I totally botched up some of the links here.

AAT is coming. The Mop-Up is coming. If I don't get my hand out of my pants, I too may end up coming.

TAKE US HOME, HONKY

Unaware that a good feud on the Net needs years of attention until your opponent is totally disemboweled (literary speaking, of course).... The Honky Tonk Man has made this announcement...

Much has been made of the way I went after Roddy Piper and Ivan Kafoury for not stepping up to the plate with Ken Patera's money. Today Ken informed me that he had received his plane ticket payment. All I can say is; it is about time and I wish the whole thing could have been settled in a more timely matter so all the bashing would not have taken place. The debt is paid, the case is closed.

Dammit. I can't get enough Piper bashing. Damn.

OH, ONE MORE THING

Picked this up at Kevin Nash's home page

WebNote - Kevin Nash Fake Emails: 

There has recently been a number of individuals who are forging headers from KevinBigSexyNash.com and sending email as Kevin Nash. This is NOT Kevin Nash, these are forgeries. 

Kevin does not send email - not ever.

Oh dear.... so just who have I been sending nude photos of myself too? THE GUY SWORE HE WAS BIG SEXY!!!!!!!

Great... scammed again.

We're all set here. I planned on posting this and getting right to work on AAT.... but then decided I need a nap. So I'll sleep, then decide whether you punks deserve anything out of me anymore. Ungrateful welps! 

FEH!!!!

This is Hyatte